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What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"