Say jokes

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

I guess you can say he xxxpired.

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

Technoblade says, "Punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?"

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!