Say jokes

What time is it when you say "what?"

Time to start over!

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?

"I think you're overreacting."

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."