Say jokes
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange who?
Orange glad I didn’t say banana. Hahaha, you’re right, I hate that guy!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2?
"I think you're overreacting."
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Nothing lasts long these days!
As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
What did a car say hi to?
It said hi to the school.
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"