Say jokes

What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?

I have to Pikashoe.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

What did the 3 say to the 8? Have fun!

What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.

What does the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me, something smells!

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

What did the zoo say to the snow ❄️? Get lost!

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Orange who?

Orange glad I didn’t say banana. Hahaha, you’re right, I hate that guy!