Say jokes

What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?

I have to Pikashoe.

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?

"Jenga!"

A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.

The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

When your friends [are] talking about sports:

Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁

Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱

Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀

You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.