Say jokes

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?

Because it was Halloween!

One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?

I'mma cashew outside!

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.

One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"

Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."

The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"

Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."

The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"

Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?" Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Stephen.

Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."

My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

"Trump 2020."

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.

The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"