Say jokes
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Memes
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo you fine.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!