Say jokes

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

Şehmus ne demiş? Ne bileyim, olm, ona sor.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

What did the fat guy say to the tree?

"Get me some coconuts!"

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

What did Eve say to Adam?

"That is rock hard."

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."