Say jokes
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"
I’m about to go to the orphanage to say yo mama jokes.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Q: What did the emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: I like ya cut, G.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!