Say jokes

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?

Batter up!

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!