Say jokes

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

What did the dentist say to the butt?

"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"

What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.

A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"

And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

What do skeletons say before they eat?

Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?

I guess that’s a wrap!

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!