Say Jokes

I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

The image shows a person with a slightly distorted face. The text above the image says "When your parents say 'hey we need to talk' and every single thing you've done since birth crosses your mind.". The bottom left corner shows 'Jamescharles_s'.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.

I've seen them hanging all day.

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.