Say jokes

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

What did the dentist say to the butt?

"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"

What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?

I guess that’s a wrap!

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"

And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"

What do skeletons say before they eat?

Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What did the twin tower say to the other?

"I need to catch this plane."