Say jokes

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?

"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

What did the dentist say to the butt?

"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."

What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?

I guess that’s a wrap!

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.