Say jokes

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

What did Mars say to Saturn?

"Give me one of your rings!" 😄

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

What do skeletons say before they eat?

Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

What did the dentist say to the butt?

"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?

"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

What did the French Fry 🍟 say to the Hamburger 🍔?

I guess that’s a wrap!

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.

I say "cow poop," cows say "moonure."

A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"

And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"

What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."