Say jokes

Only a genius can say this.

I am stupid.

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."

What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?

"My bum hurts!"

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"

Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?

Ooh, snickerdoodles!

What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.

What did the angry cow say to its enemy?

"We have beef!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."