Say jokes
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Memes
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
What did one orphan say to the other?
"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"