Say jokes

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?

Ow!

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"

What did the traffic light say to the truck?

"Don't look, I'm about to change!"

Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."

What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?

"My bum hurts!"

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?

Ooh, snickerdoodles!

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.