Say jokes
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
"Knock, knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Cow said."
"Cow said who?"
"Cow says moo you ding dong!"
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
What did one lung say to another lung?
"We belung together!"
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
What do you say when you sister's annoying you?
Go oasis (go away sis)!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What did the emo kid say to the other?
"I like ya cut, G."
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"