Saw jokes

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.

Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.