Saw jokes

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."