Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"
God, I love working at orphanages!
