Saw jokes

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?

A: He saw the ornaments hanging.

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.

God, orphanages are fun to work at!!

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Why did the Titanic sink? Because it saw an iceberg selling candy.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.