Said jokes

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”

He hid in her attic.

Why do orphans die so much?

'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."

Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.

Your mom is so fat, when she asked, "What gift will I get?" Abuela from Encanto said, "Definitely Taco Bell!" 🌮🔔

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.

He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?

A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"

Fence 1 was thinking and Fence 2 said, "Are you still on the fence about running away?"

Fence 1 said, "Yeah, I was thinking of running on the RAILROAD."

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.