Said jokes

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

"What's the capital of Texas?" said the brown hair.

"T," said the blonde.

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.