Said jokes

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,

The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"

The teacher replied, "Home."

The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"

Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"