Said jokes

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

"What's the capital of Texas?" said the brown hair.

"T," said the blonde.

Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.