Said jokes

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.

Kobe played I Spy and he said, "I spy a mountain."

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."