Said jokes

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"

I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"I will serve you, but don't start anything!"

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.

What did the skeleton say after dinner?

Bon appétit!