Said jokes

"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

When they were going around giving out brains and you thought they were saying "train," so you said, "No thanks, I’ll take the next one!" 🤣

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"

The other said, "Do you have that many?"

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.

The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"

I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."

What did the skeleton say after dinner?

Bon appétit!

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"