Said jokes

I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.

So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"

My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."

Someone bullied a disabled person.

The disabled person said they can't stand it.

My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.

A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.