Said jokes

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

said (DYM 107)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his mom said, "Ven bakac."

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”

Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.