Said jokes

A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV when I was watching a show, I waited, and when she finally passed by, Netflix said suggestions: Hulu, and Peacock.

Stephen Hawking said he wants other physicists to follow in his footsteps.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"

The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."

The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.

As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."