Said jokes

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

What did the pen say to the pencil?

The pen said, "You're pointy."

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."