Said jokes

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.

In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂

Stephen Hawking said there is no God.

2018 God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!