Said jokes

Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"