Said jokes

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

Okay, long story fast, I walked to GameStop in my house, in the kitchen, by Walmart, to a BTS Squid Game concert, and Drake and Pablo were there for her labor in the Cowboys stadium by Nike, so I bought a pencil from a dead alive man. He said "ZOO WEE MAMA." So yeah.

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.

What did the pen say to the pencil?

The pen said, "You're pointy."

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.

Hitla: That's exactly what I said.