Said jokes

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

Yo mama is so dumb, her reflection said, "Who are you?"

Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"

Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his mom said, "Ven bakac."

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

said (DYM 107)

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"