Said jokes

The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"

Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Clowns were doing an egg contest, and one clown had their egg crack, and another clown said, "The yoke's on you!"

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race

"I love all mankind!" said the cannibal.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"