Said jokes

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

Two Timetravers walk into a bar...

...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."

"Knock, knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Cow said."

"Cow said who?"

"Cow says moo you ding dong!"

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.

Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"

The kid replied, "I'm not sad."

Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.