Said jokes

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Yesterday I got detention because I said to the emo kid, "Come hang with us."

One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"

The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"

Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"

Not Stephen Hawking.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race

"I love all mankind!" said the cannibal.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"