Safety jokes
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.