You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What is big, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
What’s yellow and can’t swim??
A school bus with elementary kids.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
😷 👕 👖 Stay safe in Quarantine.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.
Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."
The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!
Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"
The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.
Man: "Dolly!"
What's something yellow and cannot swim?
A bus full of children.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
