Safety jokes
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A school bus.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
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