Roast jokes

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.

Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.

Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.

I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.