Roast jokes

How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?

By dropping two of the biggest roasts.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"

Me: "Nope."

Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."

Me: "You never said \"love\"".

Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"

Me: "Frick no."

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.

Girl: How much do you love me?

Me: Count the stars in the sky.

Girl: Aww, it's infinite!

Me: No, just a waste of time.

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."

Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.

Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.