Roast jokes

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.

Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!

Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"

Me: "Nope."

Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."

Me: "You never said \"love\"".

Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"

Me: "Frick no."

Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.

Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"

Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.

What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?

One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.