Roast jokes
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
"You must be why they invented the word ugly."
I would roast you but you're already so hot.
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.