Roast jokes

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.

I wanna die.

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

Bro, whenever I look at you, Fortnite gets popular again.

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.

What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?

A receding hairline.

You like bread toasted? That means you're roasted.

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.