Roast jokes

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

You're built like a double cheeseburger.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

I wanna die.

Bro, whenever I look at you, Fortnite gets popular again.

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

Teacher: Why were you late?

Me: Traffic.

Teacher: Did I did it?

Me: Did I even blame it on you?

What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?

A receding hairline.

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

You like bread toasted? That means you're roasted.

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race