If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.
Double!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Triple!
Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Road Jokes
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
