Road

Road jokes

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

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  • A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

    When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

    "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

    Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.

    Hehehe

    Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

    We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To go to the bitch house.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    The chicken.

    My parents told me I was born on the highway.

    Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

    Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

    Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Son: Why?

    Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

    Someone asked me where to find de wae?

    I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.

    You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

    Who's the bus driver?

    You will never nose [know].