What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Road Jokes
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It just felt like it.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the bitch house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Someone asked me where to find de wae?
I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
