Retail Jokes

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

When was the first Black Friday?

1619.

A picture of a store sign with multiple businesses listed, including Target, Staples, Aldi, and Dick's. The text on the image reads, "Target does what??!!"

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."