Retail jokes
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Hey Jonny, you can buy a...
Pun o' chips at the store!
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Why can’t orphans build anything?
Because they can’t go to Home Depot.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.