Retail jokes
With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.
Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
Why can’t orphans build anything?
Because they can’t go to Home Depot.
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.