Retail jokes
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
Your forehead’s so big it got sponsored by GAP.
Why don't terrorists like Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?
There are Targets everywhere.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.