Retail jokes
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
Why did the emo go to the store?
To buy bleach.
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.
One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,
"We will give you a replacement!"
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Where do walls shop?--Walmart.
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."