Yesterday a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
One time, a cow saved my life. -- It was bovine intervention.
Did you hear the passengers on the titanic invited yo! Momma and the titanic crew said man over board
Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.... i went for the cliffs
Got kidnapped in Iran Luckily iran
*COUGHS ROUGHLY* OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH I CANT SEE IT BURNS HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP *Weakly* !
Where do you think all the orphans went? In the world trade center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
A Down child is drowning, he calls help with all of his voice:<<Somebody help me!! I'm Downing>>
BA DUM TSS
sully: praised after landing in the hudson river garuda indonesia 421: sullys co pilot:
It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Why didn't superman save the twin towers?......because he's a quadriplegic
A catholic school is burning down, one of the priest says: 'SAVE THE CHILDREN, SAVE THEM', an another priest says: F*CK THE CHILDREN, we're gonna die!! The last priest is like: hmmm... do we have time?
how do i get out of the toilet seat help me please im very stuck
A plane is going to crash there are four passengers and only three parachutes. all the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first he says, my fans need me and jumps, Donald trump takes another and says I am the smartest president, jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute. The boy replies don't worry - Donald took my backpack.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience. The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "if you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CANT BREATHE (I am Paul walker btw)
we saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree i thought i showed a lot of balls
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore, she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."
The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
