Rescue

Rescue jokes

Lady

    • Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

    The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

  • 1

    • Sister

    • Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

    Red: snooore, snoooore

    Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

    Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

    Chuck VS RED

    Both LOSE!

  • 1

    • Boy

    • Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...

  • 0

    • Trump

    • Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

    Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

    Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

    Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

  • 1
    • Rescue memes

    Thirst

    • I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨‍🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.

  • 0

    • Santa

    • So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

  • 0

    • Woman

    • Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

    Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

  • 0

    • Puppy

    • My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

    A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

  • 0

    • Orphanage

    • An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.

    Cannibal

    • Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

    The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

    "Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

  • 5

    • Plane

    • There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

  • 0