Religion jokes
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
A true God would be godless himself.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.