A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
