Religion jokes
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To finally call someone father. 😂😂
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.