Religion jokes

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!

A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.

Part 1

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

Christianity.

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.

What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?

They fight and... You know the rest.

Why do I call my priest daddy?

Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.

Why is a nun called a nun?

'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?

Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.