Religion jokes

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

What do you call a reverse exorcism?

It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Christianity.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.

What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?

They fight and... You know the rest.

Why do I call my priest daddy?

Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.

Why is a nun called a nun?

'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)

Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?

Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16