Religion jokes

Why do orphans want to die?

Because they might see their parents in Heaven.

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To finally call someone father. 😂😂

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!

Christianity.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?

Both of them.

I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.