Religion jokes
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!
PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.