Religion jokes
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Monke
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.