Religion jokes
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Monke
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!