Religion jokes
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
Monke
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?
A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.