Religion jokes

What do you call a burning church?

Holy smokes.

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

Come, my children, to the bread cult!

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

Where does a banana learn to split?

At sundae school!

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.

A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.

A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.

Jesus is what he eats!

Shit!

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.