Religion jokes
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
A special quote:
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
What does a priest and a male homosexual have in common?
They both like to suck a big cock inside the men's locker room at the gym.
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
What do you call a gay priest? Hahahahahaha!
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!
A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.
Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"
Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"
Priest: "Fuck the children."
Rabbi: "Do we have time?"
Priest: "There's always time for something like that."
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."