Religion jokes
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Did Mary Have a Little Lamb?
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
If Satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.