Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
