Religion jokes
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Monke
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.