Religion Jokes

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?

The nun has a soul full of hope...

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?

Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.

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The image is a screenshot of a Facebook post. The post is a lengthy text about Islamic terrorism. The text includes a fictional dialogue that is supposed to be a parody of a conversation about terrorism. The fictional dialogue begins with a claim that the terrorists were told to act by holy texts. The fictional responses include blaming social and geopolitical reasons, accusing the terrorists of not being true Muslims, and even accepting blame for causing the terrorism.

What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.

Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?

Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?

Me playing a game...

What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.

Like if that was good.

Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."