Religion jokes

What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?

Presentation.

Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?

Turkish.

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

What activity do nuns and whores have in common?

Answer: Genuflection.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

I'm Pastor Moe Mister, Moe Lester.

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

What do you call a Muslim bee?

Habibee.

The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".

Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.

My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?

An AK-BAR 47.