Religion jokes
God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.
Hitler: Kills himself.
If Jesus had a gun, what would it be? A nail gun.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Donβt bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
βHol upβ
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?