i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!” Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?” Source: http://jokesfan.com/little-johnny-jokes.html
My gf left me for spending my own money I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute she leaves me
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
My bff asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?" I said: "Why?" My bff says: "Well its because he was already cheating." I said: "KNEW IT!"
Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
I once was playing with my friend and roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. i broke up with her and unfriended him then i saw my mom and my uncle crying! Me be like : ;-;
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.
My girlfriend asked my whether I was having sex behind her back and I replied "yes who did you think it was".
People when you lover cheats on you do this!
1. start a conversation 2 say "whats that smell" 3. They will smell around 4. Say omg it's a b**** and walk away and ignore them
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
my wife accused me of cheating I told her she started to sound like my wife
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me. All I wanted was for someone to help me sue-Icide...
to be brutally honest i think his wife let him die for money cos they could just plug him back in, surely they have an android cable about?
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
( Guy 1: Why my cat's so angry ? ) ( Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage ) ( Guy 1: Don't you ? ) ( Guy 2: Yeah it seems delicious ) ( Guy 1: Mmm so .. w-wait what are you doing ? I didn't think you mean the one in my lunch :< where are you leaving #_# ) **Meow ...** ( Guy 1: Shut up i will never feed you this sausage it's not for you :< -_- </3 )
On my 21st Birthday my mom told me I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child your going to to get something good and something you been looking forward to is what my mom said. Me my mom and my on;y friend celebrate my Birthday then we all went to sleep I woke up the next day I ask hey where my gift you said you got me. My mom said since your father left us you have have no father figure in your life. So this is your new step father the only thing it was my only friend.
