Betrayal jokes

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let's go to bed.

Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

*Karen wakes up and exits room*

*Lauren hears noise*

Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

Lauren: *laughs*

Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.