Religion jokes
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
God.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
Jesus created the T-pose first.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Why did the orphan go to church? So he gets to call someone father.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1