Religion jokes
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Do you love God?
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!
How do get a nun pregnant? Fuck her!
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
Friday's opening is open. Religion: "Dark model?" Hopi, Kahan, Virra, Sayla, Salafa, Sales, Power, Sleep. Google is “that cave”.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.