Religion jokes
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Me all of the time
Do y'all love God?
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?
CHEESE-US!
Q: What do you call a religious Wookie?
A: Jewbacca.
I wish everyone spoke to each other the way God did.
Allahu Akbar.
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇
👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D
If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."