Religion jokes
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
My name is Jamar and I come from afar, ALLAHU AKBAR!
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
What do u call a Muslim praying: Allahu akbar.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.
Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
No one:
Nothing:
Not a single f***ing soul:
Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.